After last night, I could never be a politician.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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