some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I forget how to act sober
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
