yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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