I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
