it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
