walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
