you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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