When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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