I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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