We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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