Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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