Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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