I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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