I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
