Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
