who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
