the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
