I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
