Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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