i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
