great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
