when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
