K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
