we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
