It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
