this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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