Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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