my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Can I color on your dick again?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
