So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
What a dumb baby whore.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
