I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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