i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So many bounce houses so little time
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
