i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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