Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
