To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
