Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
