he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
