I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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