How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
