wat bout pragnant strippers??
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
