We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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