I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
