You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
