Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
