sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
