you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
