he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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