You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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