i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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