So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
