it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Text me some of your sweat
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
