my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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